Personal Ads from the Quirky Side of Life

I’m not a big fan of personal ads. From what I hear, people rarely represent themselves honestly. But what if they did?

More For Your Money: Multiple looking for love. Cute, sexy, quietly outrageous, average height, average weight, average hair and eye color (averages based on combined personality traits divided by number of alters) waiting to meet you and bring some excitement to your life. Call Code 303 and leave a message for anyone (specify gender preference). One of us will get back to you. Namaste, Ciao, Bye, Hasta. Ad 303

Interested in a brief affair? Candlelit (hospital) room, breakfast in bed, essence of pine (Sol) wafting in the air. Call quickly as this offer won’t last long (nor will the writer). Ask for Rm. 212, St. Mercy’s Hospital. Ad 304

Looking for more bang for your buck? Suicide bomber looking for one last blowout before moving on. I have a patriotic nature and a wry sense of humor. Not into long-term relationships. I believe in past lives, and am big on atonement. If you call and the phone has been disconnected, you’re too late. Ad 305